I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
