i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
