I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you guys were way drunker than both of me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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