Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
