fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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