I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
