Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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