Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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