Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
