3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
