Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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