whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
