I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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