I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sorry my hands just texted you
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
