My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
