I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
