Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
