let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
