He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
