I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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