I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
