Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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