If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize