I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
