Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
