hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
