so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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