Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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