Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
