Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
