i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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