Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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