once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
