So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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