My balls are so social today.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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