so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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