I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
