That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
