Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
