girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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