My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
