i just google imaged poop.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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