Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
