Pregnant stripper...not hot.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
