I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
