I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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