My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
