I wish my penis had an off switch
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
