so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize