distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
