I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize