Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
