I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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