He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize