Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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