I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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