ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
