Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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