you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
