hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
