Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
