what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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