just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How external is "for external use only"?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
