How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
