what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
