so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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