I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
