tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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