i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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