I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
