He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize