She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize