I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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