i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It's blow job season.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
