My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
