Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
