I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I want is dick and wine.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
