For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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