I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Enjoy the penises
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
