oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
