Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
